Pittsburgh-ese, or Pittlingo if You Please

Had to, so
I went
dawn
tawn
for a
shar, Cuzz’!
And, Cuz, and who’s-ever yinz are:
YINZ ain’t gonna believe it!
Yo, cuz! Up there, on the Mount?
You know, Mt. WARSHingtun?
Get this jive:
Said he was dirty.
I said, right in his face
I said, “Cuz, you need cleaned!”
See, he can’t
warsh his-self
in no
lawndra-mat.
“Need cleaned, boy!”, i told him,
Cuz.
Fart sack, well
guess i’ll go
pump an aurn or some’n.

§ Please submit corrections to @ajaxStardust . It’s been a while since i been dawn-tawn, Cous’. §