Interjection: J___ speaks over himself momentarily, to remark upon something going on in the background, here, presently on Television, a Film. Dude! have you ever listened to “The Doors” (the 1960’s american rock band)? I ask for this reason: Understand, Nikolay, I am a simple man, yet rather as a paradox, I suppose the Psych_______ suggests, I am a complicated individual. I wish not for you to perceive me in an egocentric manner; I wish that you might better read, with better understanding, both who and what I a attempt at communicating. To lead a simple life, I am satisfied. I never wanted to be a “rockstar”, for example. I never wished for riches; to be excessive with wealth.

Friend, at heart, I am a musician; I enjoy to play the guitar, with a band or individually. Secondary to that, I enjoy to engage in creativity, creative activity (such as writing). This likely explains why I write verbose text. I enjoy the process of communication, whereas other individuals enjoy the concise communication, I indulge myself in it. It consumes very much of my time, but it is me. To engage in other things, I am unhappy. As the course of life descended upon me, however with wrath for my excessive behavior … < SNIP > … and loose women, and I had the excess money to further such activity, until … < SNIP > I am ultimately bored… < SNIP > … etc. I am bound by circumstance.

But, back to “The Doors”. Nikolay, I do not find television a viable entertainment, yet I began by writing of Television in the background, as i write you. Why? Because… wait… however, I do enjoy the American “Cartoon Network” nightly broadcast known as Adult Swim. In cartoon, animation, anything without modern actors from Los Angeles, CA / Hollywood. I dislike “the beautiful people” for what they are forced to represent. I dislike most modern Film and Television for the same representations, propaganda, commercialism, beauty worship, etc. I dislike the dishonesty of it, and so I enjoy an alternative in cartoons, comedic animation for adult people not for children.).

Presently, it is daytime, during the day, so “Adult Swim” is not broadcast. During daylight hours, it is “Cartoon Network”, a children programming broadcast, more or less, yet some of it is nevertheless enjoyable also. However, it bored me today, Saturday being more so childish programming, it seems. Holy hell– I needed to escape the childish cartoons! but there is nothing on the 3.14159 channels broadcast by Comcast Cable Co. (Comcast: a huge media corporation which likely owns much of the network through which we communicate).

I located a DVD media containing various films, “The Simpsons” TV Episodes, and to my surprise, presently, “The Doors”, a film documentary. Please accept my apology for so much text in this explanation! I intend to translate this with Google to Russian, so I hope you are able to make more sense of it, and perhaps be somehow entertained, as is my wish. NOTE: PLEASE inform me if i should, or should not do so in future correspondence, with the Russian translation. Today, I have sent both texts, for your private use in bilingual education, not to belabor my text. I enjoy to do so, but also based on whether you might benefit from what I am trying to say, if i first translate it (using Google) to Russian text. If this is true, then I enjoy the effort. Otherwise; conversely, if you find no enjoyment, or no benefit in it, I will not further attempt this sort of Russian translation. To do something for others, I am pleased. I must remark, I do not feel I am somehow paying you for your kind gesture, in giving me license to use your software. I believe there is something understood by such exchange, where each of us knows there is some equal benefit by transaction.

All this text for what? Because “The Doors” film was on my television, not now as much time has passed, but at that moment– the intensity of their performance inspired me to mention it. Certainly, Jim Morrison was quite the extraordinary individual. Perhaps that is why I decided to mention it– because of the way he lived, his personality, a bit like me, as the person I used to be, full of youth and power and vigor, and alcohol! And, as it performed on the television, in the background, a smile came upon my face. I was reminded of the euphoria of musical performance, to be a performer, on the stage, in front of an audience. In that manner, Jim Morrison was quite outstanding. Viewing this retrospective, in context of his generation, I thought to myself. “Oh, man, what a wild one he was!”. It was that very thought– which inspired, and resulted in this whole goddam ramble over nothing– and I’ve never even been that much of a Jim Morrison fanatic, or “The Doors” moreover. But, this early “The Doors” performance (portrayed in the aforementioned film); in [his] raw expression, creativity, and blatant disregard for conventional standards in performance. Etc.

Nikolay, I sure can talk, can I not. I can talk all day, about nothing, it seems. … Oh well. This, for I thought you might enjoy it. I write for myself, as much as I write for you. Do not wonder over this purpose. A few hours have passed in the day. I am pleased by that. If reading this lengthy text is burdening to you, I am sorry. I believe you are preoccupied in matters of software development, and family life. I do not wish to impose myself upon you. Imagine me as a breeze of air, blowing through your window, which momentarily pleased you without reason, and a happy thought came upon your mind. There was nothing to it, but for a moment, you were pleased to be alive, to enjoy the things of life, such as a pleasant breeze of air. That is my purpose here, maybe, I wish to believe. Indeed, I exist in a fantasy world.

Best wishes,
__

[ All this, Fiction, for your entertainment, ] if you haven’t noticed [by now], i’m bored with this …^† until then i disregard your pain, for mine, selfish ass i beesnesthead, concern myself more ’bout ma own these days, sukka! but don’t feel bad. i have someone to blame … blamin’ be sa easy, yo– and till the last bit-o-breath floweth ‘tween ma nose-holes dere, dirt-nappin-like, dat bitch …!

Pardon moi, did i offend you? Didn’t mean to. I’m just teeter’in, dat’s all. teeterin’ lika chair ’bouta fall right over, ya know? Problay needsa be locked up, i’d say. for chrissake, dey know it– but somehow– i’s breathe me some free air ‘nutha day. in yo face, Man! uh-huh, take dat, Johnny Law, and your half-ass’d pshychiatrist-sidekick dey sends witcha, goddam Community College … kinda-guy, seemed like. what do i know. i know one thing. i know how i scum

^† ’cause Lord knows I’s crazy as a shithouse rat– what, wit all dem wildass drugs i dun smoked, popped, snorted, inserted, disolved, and evacuated out magoddamn colon all dem yeerz ago. holy crap! but at leas i’s knows betta dees days. deez days, my docta write its on him paddy pad thingy, all this whack scribbly writin’, and goddam if they dont give me all dis shit when i rap at one of dem dumbass pharma-chicks be workin’ all deez pill joints, dig? i mean– awwfuckit– aint even woth much more mention, but you know. you know who i mean, dontcha? yeah, you know how dey scum. what’s worser even, dey think dey even know some’n. dumbass pharma-chicks, i tell you what. but, once i get da simplist info-ma-shun tru dat head-there, dey usualee come ’round, and i’s gets ma shit aint too much truble i spose. huh?

I am surprised by my own excitement to muster a proper salutation, as I wonder how I might most readily turn your imagination toward my immediate, yet developing fascination with what I perceive of [it]. I recognize in the cyclical, independent / interdependent nature of [its “components”], or [that is], the individual [parts] ; your model. I might best describe it as– at once, a fantastic, vivid understanding between such multidisciplinary men, (which I mean boldly as I write to yeild in You what visceral sensation I might by the power in these meager words) — maintaining yet a single-mindedness, not conversely or to be forcibly persuasive, that such cohesive vision renders a magnanimous ingenuity. I am reminded of the cardinal schemes my peers and I did construct, I believe were likewise flowing. Ostracized for “Gifted” stigmata, then far more fortunate for the fellowship we made, we dreamed of efforts to end Cold War. Somehow– as I am reminded by this glimpse into the brainstorm of ____, this moment i lapse in retrospection, I fondly recall the uncommon beauty, and unstoppable force– from the several individuals, the magical synergy between them, at marked points in a continuing progression, manifests in a cohesive, flowing, collective creativity, the rare likes of which, whether serendipitously or deliberately, have changed the world nevertheless.

turn off that smokestack and
that goddamn radio: hum… along with me…

Oh, I don’t care what the letter reads, I don’t believe in Adderall. I don’t use it; I don’t prescribe it; Adderall has a very high potential for addiction. I’ll give you Concerta. Concerta is the same thing— [nevermind the self-contradicting statement, so much double-talkin’ jive, spilt all over you just now—and please, can’t you see I’ve got patients waiting? Now that I’ve opened the door, won’t you please just go away—leaving payment on your way out, of course!]

I think I know what’s going on. Come back in three months. [hmm… I need a good, stock phrase for salutation. I’ve got it!:]

We’ll get to the bottom of this.

Pure lies spun
the Dark One.
The purer did lay.
Laid, for fun, feigned that femme
‘fore future yon ye flowering, flushed
As this flies,
lingering load, blue
‘fore that blew, had blown so many
yet none so well,
N’er could I, even lusting,
yearned as I before her precious mouth:
femme lips
mowed lust.

Luscious lips most believed;
most deceived

lusting for love, and so it did die.

Sadly, not ‘ware,
When that died for naught,
‘Deed yon, worn true, to be not through
yet lives, not lost; flung.

For that flight, none did she bleed,
but for an encore,
pitiful esteem,
By applause, sustaining.

Stage bound, sustained
Bound to stage
Maintains famed petty pace
pretty pets
so caged, painting face.

Would that, I yea, but for all of Hades
Confounded thought– that whence evil
Serpentine did flow, before her blood
Not mine only, but two wounded.
Wicked, this way and that
She comes,
And came wet, so whetted this palette too much,
And, wet, seems I did not scar, callus:

Fortune by circumstance
turn unfortunate craft:
Balanced, congruent, take ’bout
one-eighty degrees
not natural intimation
so designed, so to break.

First sighted
twenty and too, fabricate,
dramatic bitches,
so-called family
one of three Wicked Witches

Foresight too poor
for sirens, fat-feasted
Whip smart; taste pure
neither numbered, one more
in Thespian House.

Aimless for lease:
read ‘tween the lines
How is it, as washed, cut and dried
once innocent mind, naive
matriculated to Master
brewed not to believe.

Destined encounter,
counter elements, not we,
changeling cunt.

Death’s fortune: truth.
Far beyond cast, and crew
Reality broadcast, and laughable too
,
How learned, became malice
one wonders of you

Dare I this day feel,
yet some hunger, by wicked passion whetted:
to slide, i’d slip
And slip
As many as before, i beckon
recklessly as you,
this reckless unto thee.

The Male animal slobbers
sink teeth not to sore,
made n’er lullaby
as sweet as She roar.
She animal drips
bawling sweet melody:
“how ’bout this?” once more!

Confessed, each
unto each of less percent
valued number
recall, man; recall woman
my woman, her man

Kept dual purpose, Faculty
immediately less
Lady lay, dissonant
Truth from that channel

Slither, shed skin,
Amongst pets still sicken,
Find then, yet well hidden
his marionette group
trained well not to vomit.

Presiding Spanner
Power wielding shock
N’er could dote thee again,
come knocking many
As jerked ‘way by too much
precipitation,
but breathless by wonder
toward your destination.

What else?
I wax sardonic.
Giggle at what expense;
Intersect harmonic
pleasant poppies, past-tense
undone
and borne to ancient tea:
wrap it up, as Nothing’s Shocking.

Refined Ophelia
serendipity
painless love
so sweetly grows
nothing as bitter;
the user knows
Ophelia eats.

Exit stage west
circle repeats
great will in suffering
end implore
maintenance disease
futility ingested
outside that door
doctor please
euthanize this
ever still
evermore.

Lower there, in the valley–
where all this, a fantasy
So much, soft and lovely,
but loathing the thought;
and loathed too, said she,
never believer.

Fool, so fine,
fine thing, so alive,
sensibility of sight, a fine piece of ass
yet n’er since a night.

Suffering insensible,
suffering is sense, and sense I
must suffer,
for I taste thee at night–
true, only this
if time renders right.

Tear out those which make ye
so clingy to sin,
or Broadway beneath
bitch.

Into the mirror, harken:
we fuck.
Fantastically, filthy, merged, single willed
we weightless,
your session,
my cloud blew
cocaine, lies too
as ugly, sin turned you
Oblivious, one powder-puff
One powder blurred.

From you, femme, reach Fin now:
In that Death,
Cleansed; Freedom

©2009 S,J

{Draft, req editing}