What's on your Brain. Objectivity affects what force, before Subjectivity is manifest?

7Aug/100

Remember Sammy Jankis

Leonard: “I don't even know how long she's been gone... It's like I've woken up in bed, and she's not here because she's gone to the bathroom, or something, but somehow, I just-- I just know-- she's never going to come back to bed. If I could just reach over and touch her side of the bed, I would know that it was cold. But I can't. I know I can't have her back, but I don't want to wake up in the morning, thinking she's still here.”
...
“I lie here not knowing how long I've been alone. So how: how can I heal? How am I supposed to heal, if I can't feel time?”

-- Memento, the film. (dialogue, at approx 00:38:00).

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5Aug/100

Don’t want to be a Quitter

What's the point; why would anyone want to kick it?
The reason is running out. It's so sick of being sick; it's just more escapism, except-- for the heroin user-- quitting is also the socially accepted choice. There's nothing noble in quitting heroin: it's running away from being sick. So, in that sense, a “quitter” is also a quitter, in the traditional, you-quit-baseball, you-quit-gymnasitics, you-quit-this; you-quit-that sense of things.

What's worse: some of those in the so-called medical-profession actually believe the creeds they preach. This one-- nurse, i guess-- at a clinic I've attended said, “look at your little hands; how they're shaking. Why don't you get started on the Methadone program, and...” blah, blah, blah... How's that for crazy? It's off-the-subject, and I don't care, but-- the point is: methadone fucks-you-up, man! So, it's not They don't want you be doin' it. They just want you be doin' it on their schedule; on their clock. After all, they spent all these years; all this borrowed money to earn the privilege to dispense meds, they need to start earning it, from whomever; how ever it comes most easy. She wanted me to get-off of the Adderall, and get-on the Methadone.

We quitters are however fortunate, for the buprenorphine option.

Buprenorphine, a relatively new, patented synthesis owned by Reckitt & Benckiser (pioneered as effective for maintenance in the 1990's as Buprenex® in the UK), is unique in its extraordinarily powerful analgesic effect, versus its contrasting tendency to produce unremarkable, if any euphoria in the patient. Buprenorphine, available in the US as Suboxone, and Subutex since R&B stock's incredible growth/ the commercial success of dumb dope, Physicians are licensed to dispense it in the office setting, as an outpatient treatment, antiquating methadone on virtually every level of treatment (i.e. buprenorphine cures heroin addiction). In my experience, however, Suboxone-- an unlikely combination of buprenorphine and naloxone [the antidote-class pharmaceutical indicated to counteract terminal depression of the cardiopulmonary system in opiate over-dosed patients] -- tends to remarkably exacerbate an existing central apnea, here, while my limited experience with Subutex [buprenorphine sans naloxone], tends to suggest the exacerbating effect experienced with Suboxone may be attributable to the unusual, concomitant administration of opiate, and opiate antidote. As a Suboxone® patient since 2005, I'm now receiving Subutex (September, 2011) in effort to alleviate symptoms of central apnea.

Heroin, and other Opiate agonists, like Oxycodone, Morphine, etc.-- Methadone-- one side effect is the depression of the cardiopulmonary system. In other words, it slows down the blood and the breathing. (i.e. people O/D because everything just stops; slows down enough to die). I am prescribed 60 mg's amphetamine/ day because there's something wrong w/ the way my brain tells my lungs to keep going. It's called "central-apnea": central, for "central nervous system", and "apnea", for "breathing stopped", or its "cessation". I stop breathing, regularly; I die a little while, daily, of an incurable condition; suffer symptoms, the cause of which are not quite clear. Cruel irony: there is little rest in dying; sleeping does not reduce the somnolence, here. So the doctors treat the symptoms, in this instance, by directly attacking the somnolence, and stimulating the cardiopulmonary through administration of amphetamine; because of its tendency to accelerate the cardiopulmonary system, Adderall® [brand-name Rx, ‘salts of amphetamine’] tends to improve my condition.

Essentially, advising me to stop Adderall; to use Methadone is advising me in one pleasant suicide. It's fucking crazy.

So, i'm thinking. I wonder if there's any good heroin around these days. I wonder who's got the line on that sort of thing now, going on-- oh, i don't know-- seven years of being so-called “clean”. It's not I that needs changing. It's the treatment, and the attitude surrounding it.

I've got it! Prohibit instead, Alcohol, and let all of the heroin addicts take-over for killing people through vehicular manslaughter. You'll see the vehicular-related death toll drop. Well, the truth is, it just doesn't work like that. I mean, of course it doesn't work like that, but what I mean is: you can't expect to trade one thing for the other, especially when the two are as unrelated as the aforementioned. What needs to happen, however, is a greater tolerance for opiate-addicted citizens, and a much better solution must be developed as an alternative to quitting; for quitting.

Ask Opey: where'd he go, from Aunt Bea?

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